That Dang Proverbs 31 Woman!

This is, if you couldn’t tell from the title, a rant. Fair warning!

I thought I was over her, had moved past, and was able to let it go. Guess not! Last night I came across a blog post written by two young, single, childless women about motherhood, and being a “godly” mother, and the evils of day care or working outside the home… (First off, sorry girls, but you don’t get an opinion on being a mother until you are one! Not to mention, people in their late teens, early 20’s (Especially home-schoolers. I can say this because I was one.) always think they know everything and have every answer (I did), but they don’t. Not by a long shot!!) Of course they cited my least favorite passage as one of their proofs, Proverbs 31.

There is nothing inherently wrong with Proverbs 31 in itself, especially if you read it in a version other that the King James. But that dang woman was held up as the epitome of womanhood All. The. Freakin. Time. growing up in my conservative, homeschooling “cult”. It was this impossible goal to try and attain. We heard about her every Mother’s Day at least, maybe more. The “Proverbs 31 Woman” home-schooled, and gardened, and made all her own clothes, and baked fresh ground whole wheat bread, all while running a home based business, and having 12+ children, and being super submissive to her husband. She wore skirts only, maybe even a head-covering, and always spoke in a soft, quiet voice (to demonstrate her quiet and gentle spirit). Sound like anyone you’ve ever seen before? *coughMichelleDuggar*

Okay, it’s possible that I might be exaggerating a very, little bit… Don’t get me wrong, I am not against gender roles (in a relaxed and casual fashion). I am a mostly stay-at-home mother of two little children and have been for the past 5+ years. I even started gardening a couple of summers ago. But, the teachings I was raised with, almost destroyed me as a mother. More on that in a bit.

I AM against re92570055strictive gender roles! I’m against the idea that women can’t or shouldn’t get educated or have a job. I’m totally against the idea that somehow women staying home and living like its the 1800s (or even the 1950s) is more godly! I absolutely HATE how some conservative groups still treat women as inferior. Have you read about Jesus Christ and his radical interactions with women??

If you want to stay home and bake whole wheat bread because You Want To, great! Fabulous! But if you want to go to college and have a career, that’s also great and fabulous! Our personal choices as a family shouldn’t be automatically viewed as a representation of our “godliness”. Can you say Pharisee?!

If you actually read Proverbs 31 (my version is ESV) you will notice a couple of things.

  1. It’s really more about a business woman than anyone else. She’s working hard, buying and selling, and making things.
  2. The lady has maidservants. MAIDSERVANTS!! Plural!!! So someone else is doing all her cleaning, cooking, and possibly caring for her children! Which is how she has time to be a business woman. (This was NEVER talked about in my fundy days!)
  3. Her children aren’t even mentioned until vs 28 and all they do is “rise up and call her blessed”.

So there! Ha! Go take your out of context Scriptures and insinuated opinions and stuff it!

By the time I had children, I was well out of my “cult” days. But the teachings I grew up with followed me. Somehow I still believed that motherhood was the ultimate calling of woman, and that I should be totally fulfilled by being a mom. But it was WAY harder than I ever imagined… Honestly, I really struggled the first few years with babies. I didn’t even like being a mom most days and the guilt of those feelings nearly destroyed me. Until…one day I realized the truth. God never said I had to be fulfilled being a mother. God never said being a mother was the ultimate pinnacle of being female. My feelings were validated! Surprisingly, that knowledge actually freed me to enjoy being a mom.

I am a woman, mom, wife, daughter, friend, blogger, hopeful author, pastor’s wife, lover of nature, substitute teacher, part time jewelry artisan, camp health officer, restorer of old furniture, etc. But most of all, I am a child of God, loved and valued, redeemed, able to have a relationship with my Creator because of my amazing Savior, Jesus Christ. Actually, I might even be a Proverbs 31 woman…someone who is working hard, using her gifts, and seeking to love and serve her family.

Striving to be meet certain “criteria” will never bring us fulfillment, whether we are staying at home or not. Only a real relationship with Jesus satisfies us, and that should be our ultimate goal no matter what else we do.

“….a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30