If you are like me, and you’ve experienced some degree of spiritual abuse in your life, the word repentance might be triggering. Images of authoritarian control. Waves of guilt and shame. Memories of confessing every possible sin you might have committed.
I want to tell you a story that will hopefully redefine the way you think about repentance.
Both of my children are strong-willed, but my son is particularly stubborn. He will get something in his head and no amount of reasoning, or pushing, or arguing will change his mind. The other day, he was in a mood. I don’t even know what he was upset about, but I do remember that he told me to shut up. We don’t talk like that in our family.
I was working on a puzzle (because, coronavirus) and he was standing there next to me looking miserable, chin jutted out, hands clenched, angry at the world. I calmly reminded him that those kinds of words hurt people and that we don’t talk like that. I acknowledged that he was angry and told him it was okay to feel that way, but that it was not okay to tell his mother to shut up. He glared at me.
My son is really good at being stubborn, but he’s also excellent at repentance.
A few quiet minutes went by while I worked away on my puzzle and he stood there glaring. Then he broke down. There were tears, and hugs, and “I’m sorry, Mama” was whispered in my ear. We snuggled. Our relationship was restored.
True repentance isn’t a power trip by an abusive authority. It isn’t a formula where we confess sins so that bad things will stop. It’s a change of heart. It’s a humble acknowledgement of sin. It’s restoration.
I’ve been reading the book of Joel the last few days for my morning Jesus Time. It starts with a plague of locusts and a call to repentance. A plague and repentance. It struck me that something has been drastically missing from our social media feeds during this pandemic.
I’ve witnessed anger, frustration, dismay, and fear…
I’ve seen a plethora of conspiracy theories (and even Christian conspiracy theories to debunk the initial theories)…
I’ve read far too many political rants…
But I haven’t observed much repentance.
If anything, this COVID19 pandemic has reinforced my beliefs in the cores of Christianity. As human beings, we are totally corrupted by sin. This world of ours is definitely broken. And we absolutely need a Savior. There is no shame in admitting these facts, but it does take humility. And that’s where true repentance starts…broken humility.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen a lot of my own brokenness over the past two months. I need forgiveness; I need restoration; I need Jesus.
I would like to lead us in a prayer of repentance.
“God, I come to you with empty hands.
I stretch them out before You and admit my lack.
I agree with You that I am broken, helpless, and in need of a Savior.
I have forgotten or ignored Your reality,
that You are Who You Are whether or not I acknowledge it,
and instead I have created an image of You that suits my purposes.
Sometimes I don’t want You to be REAL real.
I want to believe that I am in control.
I don’t like feeling helpless and afraid.
I don’t want to admit that I am needy.
My pride is strong and I push You away.
There is a part of my heart that can only be filled by You,
but I have tried to fill it myself.
You know the things I have used to attempt satisfaction.
None of them work.
You say that this world is not my home, but I want to be comfortable.
You say that I will face trouble, but I want peace.
I work so hard to grasp things that will not last
while ignoring things that are eternal.
More than control, more than answers, more than peace,
more than comfort, and financial security, and physical health,
I need You.
I open my hands in surrender and I let go.
Show me Who You Are in all Your reality.
All I want is You.
Friends, first we need personal repentance and then we can move to corporate repentance. There is much that the church needs to repent of and abandon. Stay tuned.
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